the story behind my blogging hiatus

hi. well, let’s cut to the chase… i’ve been on an unintended but contemplated yet unplanned blogging hiatus. my last solid post was just about 2.5 months ago. that certainly escalated quickly. i’ve been a blogger in some shape or form for just over 5 years. (that makes me somewhat of a golden girl in blog years) i started it with no goal in mind, it was my outlet, my story, my little corner of the internet. it was fun and it was my happy place. i didn’t care about how many readers i had, how many views i got, how fancy my pictures were or how often i posted.

in the past year or so i began to have my eyes opened to another side of blogging – the more serious, businessy yet unconventional at times, entrepreneurial and sometimes junior high school-esk sort of blogging. i became aware of how much work people put into their blogs, how many views they get, the brands they get to work with, the fancy layouts and the great collaborations, and all the likes. it was great (for a bit) because it motivated me to work towards moving forward with full force on my blog and tidy up my little corner in the internet. but then i started to play the comparison game. and feeling bad about myself when i didn’t post enough, when i didn’t get a lot of views or comments, when my pictures didn’t look as good as someone else’s, when i wasn’t as witty or clever or as good at wordsmithing as they were. and that mindset gives you a pass to skip right ahead into the dark place. it’s easy to say, “don’t compare yourself to others” and other similar sayings – hell, i’m quite certain i’ve posted things like that before. probably trying to convince myself. but it is hard. comparison isn’t terrible if you can keep yourself in check and use it as a motivator, but the second it becomes paralyzing it’s useless. part of it comes with my personality, my obsessive compulsive personality disorder and need for “perfection” didn’t help my comparison game. i started to question my purpose of blogging, wonder if i was good at it at all, seek to find my voice, feel that i couldn’t do anything until i got head shots and a logo and a fancy newly designed site. (aka excuses)

i had gotten on a bit of a roll of posting. i’d found my groove, if you will. at the beginning of the year i’d tossed around the idea of taking a break during the month of february. give myself a planned break to focus on life. i have a lot on my plate this year, not the least of which is planning a wedding, 3 confirmed speaking engagements, planning a conference for 1000, training for a half marathon, renovating and decorating our house, oodles of traveling. you know, that sort of thing. my anxiety started to get out of control. the sense of perpetual overwhelm never seemed to escape me. panic attacks occurred more frequently. my self-esteem stooped down to a level that i hadn’t been in since high school. and suddenly one week, two weeks, 2 months, 2.5 months passed and my blog remained untouched and started to gather some cobwebs.

i’m ok that i had to take a break. i needed it. and still need it, i think. i need to take care of myself. i need to find a way to deal this anxiety in a healthy way, stop being a bully to myself, and somehow some way i’m determined to find my secret sauce that will allow me to relax. and so, i’m not sure how much more of a break i will take before i get back into the swing of things. my schedule and stressors certainly aren’t going to get any less for the next 5 or so months. but i miss blogging. i miss the community that i’ve begun to foster through blogging, twitter chats, etc. part of my reason for blogging is that i believe we all have a story worth telling and i’ve missed sharing mine. which is truthfully fantastic news, because it reaffirms that i blog because i enjoy it. and that’s a perfect reason to do it.

i will be back, the blogging world needs this sassy, classy and a little smart assy lady in it. thank you for being there when i’m ready.

xoxo

emma

80% coffee and a little bit of sass

good morning lovelies. my level of exhaustion is pretty intense today. spent the whole weekend painting our living room. the good news is that is looks fantastic and the bad news is i’m now ready for my weekend. more pictures and tales to come later. but for now, zooey deschanel say’s it best. have a lovely day! xo

did we just fall in love?

i hope this doesn’t come on too strong, but, i’m about to make you fall in love with me. yes. sh*t is about to get real.

have i kicked your interest? i thought so. it peaked mine as well when i read Hallie of corals + cognacs post on a recent essay from the New York Times on how to fall in love… with anyone. you betcha, anyone. and she threw out a challenge to the blog world for us to post our answers. so, peoples, i hope you’re ready to take things to the next level. i mean we have been chatting online for like two hours every day, so i figured things were getting pretty serious anyways, so here we go.

alright here’s how this is going to work… according to psychologist arthur aron there are 36 questions that when answered with mutual vulnerability fosters closeness. i hand picked some for this post, you can see them all here. ready, set, love.

before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? why? not really; it would have to be a super important phone call, but even then i would worry about sounding too rehearsed or getting too flustered because it isn’t coming out the way i practiced.

when did you last sing to yourself? to someone else? my co-worker and i sang a line of the gem in a meeting today. and i can’t not jam out to this current song obsession when it comes on in the car.

given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? as much as wholeheartedly believe that jennifer lawrence or lauren graham and i would be instant best friends if just given the chance, i would choose my baby sister, Haley Ellen. we lost her far too soon, and i would love nothing more than to meet her and have a sister, even just for an evening. hopefully she learned how to cook up there though; because otherwise we’ll be having wine for dinner. (not that that’s a bad thing; but i would get hangry)

what would consistute a perfect day for you? in some order or another it would involve these items: caribou coffee + snuggles with #starksthepup + spending all day with [b] + wine + peanut butter + dancing + lots of pictures + all my family & friends. hmmm. i think i just described 9.12.15 <3

for what in your life do you feel most grateful? my family, my fiancé [b] and #starksthepup. they’re all just kind of beyond incredible.

if you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? i would have let me have that barbie jeep. man that would have been fancy.

is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? why haven’t you done it? the short, vague answer; yes. i have so much that i’ve dreamt about… taking my blog to a more “legit” level; becoming a social media consultant; etc. the why? fear. fear of failure, of not being (gasp) perfect, that i’m not good enough. the happy ending is that i’m working on it. i’ll get there.

what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? being asked to host a half day workshop at EXHIBITOR2013 on social media. i will never forget getting that email while at baggage claim at the airport.

what is your most terrible memory? seeing my dad after he had surgery to remove cancer from his prostate. they had to move him to the bed in his room and the tears just rolled down his cheek because he was in so much pain. to see the strongest man you know so vulnerable and weak… so hard.

how do you feel about your relationship with your mother? my mom is my best friend. i couldn’t feel more grateful for the bond that we share. she is my role model, my rock, my inspiration and my biggest cheerleader. she’s incredible.

if you were going to become a close friend with your partner readers, please share what would be important for him or her to know. mornings are for quiet and for coffee. directions are hard. i need snacks. (always). some nights you just need wine and non-stop marathons of criminal minds. i am fragile; be gentle with my emotions. my hair sheds. everywhere. once i let you into my life, i will be there for you always and will expect the same in return. and sassiness is just part of the package.

tell your partner readers what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. thank you, i appreciate you, you inspire and motivate me. there is nothing like someone telling me that they enjoyed something i wrote (heck, them just telling me that they read something i wrote makes my day); that it made them smile, helped them feel like they weren’t alone… those are the comments bloggers live for. to every single person who reads this, i love you. thank you for taking part in my story.

share with your partner readers an embarrassing moment in your life. just one? oh Lord. i used to have so many they were coined as “emma moments.” one of the top contenders would have to be when my dad and i went through the drive thru at the bank; i said my name and that i wanted to make a deposit. and then a wave of realization washed over me… i don’t bank there. #truestory (perhaps i will bring back some posts about emma moments, what do ya think?

when did you last cry in front of another person? by yourself? i’m an emotional person. so it was probably yesterday.

your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. after saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. what would it be? why? i think about this all the time actually. and as petty as this sounds it would probably be my phone. it has everything in it; my photos, my messages, my work, my blogs.

so… are we in love yet?

sass and sarcasm aside; i think there is definitely some truth behind this. when you open up to someone and the open back up to you… you get place and REAL relationships are formed. though it may seem easier to hide behind who you really are online, sometimes i feel like this is where i am most genuine. i’m so much better with the written words than i am with the verbal ones.

want to join in on the fun? create your own post with answers to these questions and be sure to link up to Hallie’s post! (here) and please share them with me too! xo