the story behind my blogging hiatus

the story of my recent life | what's best for me

hi. well, let’s cut to the chase… i’ve been on an unintended but contemplated yet unplanned blogging hiatus. my last solid post was just about 2.5 months ago. that certainly escalated quickly. i’ve been a blogger in some shape or form for just over 5 years. (that makes me somewhat of a golden girl in blog years) i started it with no goal in mind, it was my outlet, my story, my little corner of the internet. it was fun and it was my happy place. i didn’t care about how many readers i had, how many views i got, how fancy my pictures were or how often i posted.

in the past year or so i began to have my eyes opened to another side of blogging – the more serious, businessy yet unconventional at times, entrepreneurial and sometimes junior high school-esk sort of blogging. i became aware of how much work people put into their blogs, how many views they get, the brands they get to work with, the fancy layouts and the great collaborations, and all the likes. it was great (for a bit) because it motivated me to work towards moving forward with full force on my blog and tidy up my little corner in the internet. but then i started to play the comparison game. and feeling bad about myself when i didn’t post enough, when i didn’t get a lot of views or comments, when my pictures didn’t look as good as someone else’s, when i wasn’t as witty or clever or as good at wordsmithing as they were. and that mindset gives you a pass to skip right ahead into the dark place. it’s easy to say, “don’t compare yourself to others” and other similar sayings – hell, i’m quite certain i’ve posted things like that before. probably trying to convince myself. but it is hard. comparison isn’t terrible if you can keep yourself in check and use it as a motivator, but the second it becomes paralyzing it’s useless. part of it comes with my personality, my obsessive compulsive personality disorder and need for “perfection” didn’t help my comparison game. i started to question my purpose of blogging, wonder if i was good at it at all, seek to find my voice, feel that i couldn’t do anything until i got head shots and a logo and a fancy newly designed site. (aka excuses)

the story of my recent life | be where you are

i had gotten on a bit of a roll of posting. i’d found my groove, if you will. at the beginning of the year i’d tossed around the idea of taking a break during the month of february. give myself a planned break to focus on life. i have a lot on my plate this year, not the least of which is planning a wedding, 3 confirmed speaking engagements, planning a conference for 1000, training for a half marathon, renovating and decorating our house, oodles of traveling. you know, that sort of thing. my anxiety started to get out of control. the sense of perpetual overwhelm never seemed to escape me. panic attacks occurred more frequently. my self-esteem stooped down to a level that i hadn’t been in since high school. and suddenly one week, two weeks, 2 months, 2.5 months passed and my blog remained untouched and started to gather some cobwebs.

i’m ok that i had to take a break. i needed it. and still need it, i think. i need to take care of myself. i need to find a way to deal this anxiety in a healthy way, stop being a bully to myself, and somehow some way i’m determined to find my secret sauce that will allow me to relax. and so, i’m not sure how much more of a break i will take before i get back into the swing of things. my schedule and stressors certainly aren’t going to get any less for the next 5 or so months. but i miss blogging. i miss the community that i’ve begun to foster through blogging, twitter chats, etc. part of my reason for blogging is that i believe we all have a story worth telling and i’ve missed sharing mine. which is truthfully fantastic news, because it reaffirms that i blog because i enjoy it. and that’s a perfect reason to do it.

i will be back, the blogging world needs this sassy, classy and a little smart assy lady in it. thank you for being there when i’m ready.

xoxo

emma

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2015 in a word // mindfulness

2015 in a word mindfulness

in one word, could you sum up your goal for 2015? what would it be? what overarching theme will you try to keep as a trending topic all year-long? i had mine even before i knew this was a thing. and by thing i mean picking a word for the year aka one little word, etc. and by thing i also mean a social media/ blog thing. it’s a thing. i first saw this on my new favorite social accounts to follow, Best Kept Self. (sidenote, these women are incredible and will both motivate, inspire and encourage you daily) each of the women of Best Kept Self tweeted their word of the year and asked followers what theirs would be. it took me no more than a second to know what mine would be. mindfulness.

mind·ful·ness // ˈmīn(d)f(ə)lnəs/ (noun)
1. the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something.
2. a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations, used as a therapeutic technique.

awareness, acknowledgement, acceptance… all of these things are things that i need to focus on. i’ve chatted briefly with you about my struggle with mental illness and how my anxiety and obsessive compulsive personality disorder often disrupt my day-to-day life. and the fight continues, and the journey towards overcoming it all has tons of bits and pieces to it. but, this, mindfulness. this is a key factor.

being present and living in the moment has become a difficult task for many of us with the glorious wonders of technology and so many other distractions toying for our attention. and i do mean glorious, because i have met some of the most fantastic people through blogging and social media. but there needs to be a balance. of our online and our offline. i feel so fortunate to have this incredible online world of people who i have connected with, but we must keep in touch with those who are right in front of us, and with reality.

2015 in a word mindfulness

but technology and distractions are only part of the reason why i struggle with being present. my mind is strong, very strong. and it would work to my benefit if i could harness all that strength to think about the things i would like to be focusing on. rarely am i experiencing the moment in which i am in. even in the best moments, i’m usually not all there. my mind and thoughts will wander and spin and circulate. about things that happened earlier that day, week, month or years ago. obsessing over a tiny detail that doesn’t really matter. or i’ll be trying to live in the next moment, worrying about the future, tomorrow, ten years from now, or the next hour.

a constant and perpetual state of being overwhelmed by thoughts.

the acceptance party is a slippery little sucker, too. that’s where my perfectionism rears its lovely head. things are supposed to happen the way they were supposed to happen. from our plans for the evening to plans for the wedding and everything in between. my rigidness to the way it was “supposed to” happen becomes paralyzing. to be able to accept myself, my feelings, my thoughts AND (here’s the kicker) move forward… that, that is the goal.

2015 in a word mindfulness

2015 has a lot of fancy things in store for me already. i’m lined up to present on ‘unleashing the power of social media’ twice (once in las vegas and once in san diego), we’re working on renovations to our home, making some major overhauls with my blog and personal brand, numerous trips for both work and fun, oh and you know just getting MARRIED. and i don’t want to miss a moment of any of it. i’ve already robbed myself of so many moments, enough is enough. on our wedding day i don’t want to be worried about a million little things that have nothing to do with the fact that i will be surrounded by my family and friends and starting my life with my best friend. it’s going to be the best day ever, and i want to be there. for every tear of happiness, every laugh, every sassy comment, every kiss and every dance move. i will be mindful and i will be present.

it’s certainly not going to be easy, but if what easy – well i guess then i would probably have done it already. but i am going to try. 2015, i got you.

how would you theme your 2015 in a word? share with me and let’s keep each other motivated! 2015 is our year. xo

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the one where we celebrate the awesome things

i’m not good at giving myself credit. nothing is ever good enough. i am never good enough. it could always be better, stronger, smarter, funnier, prettier, etc. striving for excellence is a wonderful thing; striving for perfection will leave you with nothing but disappointment. perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order. part of this is just being human. but part of it is because of my obsessive compulsive personality disorder. my ocpd makes me so focused on unattainable perfection that it keeps me from doing anything. it makes me feel like a fraud when i do achieve good things; that i wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve them. [b] introduced me to the term, imposter syndrome and it completely describes how i feel sometimes. and so often when we want to celebrate our own success we feel like we are “bragging” or “showing off” and it makes us feel guilty for something we should be proud of.

thanks to some wonderful people in my life who are always there to support me, i’m working at getting over this. we need to own our successes. i didn’t get lucky by chance; i worked my (excuse my language) booty off. i put myself out there; i went after what i wanted; i took chances and risks; i made the most out of every opportunity that i’ve been given. at the ripe age of 25 i’ve been fortunate enough to have some pretty damn awesome opportunities. i am not perfect. i am not an expert. but i am someone who struggles with anxiety and depression and ocpd and despite it all has powered through to do some pretty snazzy things.

today we celebrate the successes with no guilt, just pride and happiness and smiles. in the past months i have had some incredible things happen in my life, and i’m excited to share them with you…

  • gave my first paid speaking engagement on social media to the Upper Midwest EDPA. best part? it was in a CAVE!

the one where we celebrate the awesome things

  • will be giving my session on ‘unleashing the power of social media’ for the 3rd year at EXHIBITOR2015

the one where we celebrate the awesome things

the one where we celebrate the awesome things

  • was featured in an article in mashable on the top 5 stressful jobs; representing my fellow event professionals (yes mashable, the website i read daily and always refer my attendees to as a resouce of information… this is real life.)

the one where we celebrate the awesome thingslet’s all start celebrating our success. our stories. i may not be perfect; but parts of me are pretty awesome.


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the story of my #realbloggerbeauty