happy birthday to our angel in heaven [haley ellen turns 21]

“death comes unexpectedly.”

today we celebrate my baby sister, Haley Ellen’s, 21st birthday. 21 years ago she was born asleep and left us before we got the chance to meet her. i was three years old at the time, and none of it really made any sense to me. mommy was supposed to have a baby, but then we never got to take a baby home. when i was old enough to understand, my parents explained; and i looked through all the pictures we had. i would think of her from time to time growing up, but as i’ve grown older there is an indescribable bond i feel with my baby sister. i’ve grown a more emotional attachment to her and i feel her around quite often. when i graduated college, when i was having a bad day, when spencer graduated college, when i got engaged, when carter went to prom. i know she was there.

it’s a funny thing, how you can miss someone so much that you never got to meet. and how today thinking of the fun we’d have toasting to her 21st birthday fills my eyes with tears. there are a lot of things about life we’ll never truly understand. how a baby so beautiful can be taken from a family ready to love her forever. i have faith that God needed that lovely little angel back with him. and if we had gotten to keep her, i might not have my (not so) little brother. things have a way of working themselves out exactly they way they are supposed to, which is more often than not the way we planned. i love and miss her so very much but know that she’s watching over me and my family; hanging out with her cousin Dana Patrice, Nana, Grandpa Marlo and Grandpa Paul and our neighbor Lorriane; and smiling over us every day. we love you sweet Haley Ellen, we will carry your memory on forever and we wish you the happiest of birthdays – mom and i will have a glass of wine and cheers to you, our little angel in the sky. you’ll always be our hope, you’ll always be our first light, you’re always gonna be our little girl. we only wish for one more day <3

if you’ve ever watched Pollyanna i would imagine you recognize that line from Reverend Paul Ford’s sermon. and if you haven’t watched it, i highly recommend. it is a lovely story of a young girl who teaches a whole town about seeing the brighter side of everything.my momma was watching that movie the night she felt that something was not right; and i watch it every year and remember her.

Haley Ellen Dahl
Haley Ellen Dahl

our angel in the sky ((Haley Ellen))

nearly 19 years ago, an angel was taken from my family. Haley Ellen was born asleep on May 2nd and i lost my sister. i was four years old at the time, and couldn’t make much sense of it. nor do i really remember much of anything besides what i’ve seen in pictures. throughout this past year i’ve felt an indescribable connection with my baby sister. i can’t put it into words, but i’ve been undeniably aware that she’s around. last night i had the most beautiful dream of her. many of the details are vague but we were reunited together. she looked a lot like me, a little darker hair and petite. blue eyes, dark blonde hair. and the sweetest thing you’ve ever met. this is the first time i can remember having a dream of her; i’ve thought of her tons, but never had a full dream with her. i woke up with my eyes full of tears and a smile in my heart. she knew i needed her; that i needed to be reminded that she is there, watching over me and the rest of the family. that everything will be ok.

isn’t it strange how you can miss someone so much that you never met. we had to say goodbye before we got the chance to say hello. i believe that things happen for a reason; but i don’t know that i will ever understand why she was taken so quickly. i suppose that God needed a beautiful angel right away. and if we would have to to keep her, i might not have my little brother. things have a way of working out the way they were supposed to, which is often not the way we thought way would. but God has a bigger, better plan. but wow, do i miss her. i know she is up there though; hanging out with gpa marlo & gpa paul, cousin dana, and neighbor lorraine. looking down and smiling. thank you for reminding me you’re there, our little angel in the sky. i love you bunches. xoxo